Scene: Liberal Fortress of Evil, probably in Homosexxx, Massachusetts, but possibly in Fruitjob, California.
A dark night, heavy with the scent of rain and new taxes.
Pompous Liberal Butler, hired to serve his masters like a mindless drone from their boyish days at
elitist institutions like Princeton, Yale, and Harvard, strikes the granite floor with a staff made from wood recently requisitioned from a mom-and-pop small business store.
"Stand for His Honorable Most Glorious Highness and Future Tyrant of the Universe, Obama!"
The Liberal Conglomerate stands. Obama swirls into the room wearing a cape embellished with Muslim, African, Marxist and Nazi symbols.
Obama: Let the meeting begin.
Chief Environmental Officer/Idolatry Promoter: Lord Obama, sir, we've been making headway in subverting the American consciousness and infiltrating it with our messages of "compassion" towards the "environment." Greenies--as I like to affectionately call them--have been moving out of our sleeper cells in California and moving across the continental United States. Even Sarah Palin-
Obama (
thundering): What did I tell you about that name?! THAT NAME!
Chief Environmental Officer: Oh, sorry sir, my apologies, I mean--her, she--the umm, the frightening one, as it were--
Obama: Oh, to hear her very name is to hear a piercing beacon of clarity that plunges the jagged blade of righteous truth into my twisted liberal heart! I cannot bear it!
Chief Environmental Officer: Yes, um, very good sir--she's foul--but any way, even she took to promoting the wilderness on her so-called television program, which we're choosing to take as proof of our Greenies' influence.
Tea Party Persecutor: Outrageous! That thing has been a thorn in our side from the very beginning! I need to contact our people in the media and have them exploit her children some more.
Chief Environmental Officer: Well, silver linings...
Tea Party Persecutor: Ooh, do you think she has some grey in her hair? Can we run a few old-looking photos of her?
Obama: All right, all right. Our media is valiantly fighting to besmirch the Palins as we speak, let us move on.
Tea Party Persecutor: Lord Obama, it's getting a little ugly. The mighty wagon of truth that is the Tea Party has done much damage to our carefully structured lies and got a lot of Republicans elected in the midterm elections.
Obama:
Republicans? So? They're not doing anything remotely in line with the Tea Party.
Faux Conservative/Liberal Collaborator (chuckles nervously): Yes, well, we of course sing the song to get elected--
(Jeers and boos from the Liberal Conglomerate)
Faux Conservative/Liberal Collaborator (hastily): But look we're not going to DO anything, I mean we're going to bluster, and whine, but you know most of us are spineless, idea-less politicians who are more scared of the Tea Party than you are! And we certainly haven't got a coherent plan of action!
Obama: It's correct. This is a roadblock, but ultimately all will proceed according to our nefarious designs. After all, within a few short years the federal government will have abolished private property. And then we will make owning private property a requirement for voting, and then the federal government will be the only one with a vote. How will they like that for conservative values?
(general applause)
Obama (raises one hand delicately, with a small smile): Fear not, followers. We shall quell them. We shall quell them,
with reform. With better healthcare, with
lower federal taxes, with saving our economy from plunging even further into the gutter. We shall quell them by promoting sensible, rational discourse about complicated problems!
(Scattered, slightly confused applause breaks out)
Obama: Next on the agenda, don't forget; Undermining the American Family, Dissolution of the White Population, and Blatant Disregard for Special Privileges for Churches, unless of course they are mosques.
Liberal Butler: All right, ladies and gentlemen, if you will please rise for the closing prayer.
(all chant)
Hail the Glorious Rise
of the Obama Empire, the Marxist triumph
Destroyer of Faiths, Liberator of the Dissolute,
Obama the Magnificent, true heir to Hitler,
He who shall crush under his heel of taxes the hissing head of the serpent, Small Business,
Preserver of the Rainforest, Hater of Babies,
Gateway to the East, bring us Terrorists, and China.
AMEN.
